Contending For Joy

How do we find happiness? This is truly one of the most timeless and universal questions for humans. In our context in the United States most of us have been trained to think of happiness as a destination. "Destinational Happiness" if you will. Once we get to a certain destination then we will experience a new level of happiness. Once I get married. Once I land that job. Once we finally have children. Once we get out of debt. Once I find a better paying job. Once we experience that vacation. Once the empty nest comes. Once I am finally able to retire. The list goes on and on. The progression of "once" is revealing in and of itself. Happiness in this context specific understanding is always one inch out of reach and never really delivers on its promise.

Most of us, if we slow down enough to observe the water that we are swimming in, know that destination happiness is a lie. For example, there are times I have been stuck in irritability and sadness while on vacation. Conversely, there have been times where I have experienced deep joy at a funeral. These experiences poke holes in the happiness as a destination mindset.

It's also easy to observe as we look around us. I have seen joy radiate from those I've met in extreme poverty in Liberia and El Salvador and then upon my return home encounter irritable, angry and disgruntled rich people. I've had enough jobs at nice golf courses to know that having financial resources and time to play is not a direct link to a happy life.

If personal experience and anecdotal evidence are not enough, this phenomenon appears in the research too. For example, since World War II incomes in the United States have tripled (inflation is taken into consideration) yet Americans self report less happiness and increased mental health struggles. What does this mean? Even for those for whom the system is working it's actually not when it comes to people's happiness and peace. Research abounds on the link between income and happiness, a relationship that we've been told to believe is directly correlated. It's not. Researchers from one Princeton study say:

The belief that high income is associated with good mood is widespread but mostly illusory. People with above-average income are relatively satisfied with their lives but are barely happier than others in moment-to-moment experience, tend to be more tense, and do not spend more time in particularly enjoyable activities.

For the purposes of this conversation I am using happiness and joy to mean the same thing. After all, joy in its essence is relational happiness. These concepts are distinct from fleeting pleasure but happiness and joy are more synonymous than we think.

Two myths that diminish joy

This idea of happiness as a destination is the product of several myths:

The entitlement myth: I deserve a life that is easy, enjoyable and goes - relatively speaking - according to plan. Even if we don't acknowledge it directly many of us have been impacted by this way of thinking. Most of the time we have the resources and distractions at our fingertips to keep at arms length pain, grief, loss, inconvenience and uncomfortable situations. Over time we are then groomed to think that life ought to go smoothly and with little interruptions to our vision of the good life.

The American dream myth: According to the American Dream the good life is found in acquiring (stuff, money, social approval, power, influence, etc), achieving (athletically, professionally, educationally, etc) and recreating (time off to enjoy, hobbies to indulge, places to see, etc). Of course not all of this is bad. However, problems arise when we convince ourselves that joy and happiness are discovered once the acquiring, achieving and recreating is materialized.

We would do well to call each of these what they are: myths. They are not true. They over-promise and under-deliver. M Scott Peck said it best in the first sentence of his book called The Road Less Traveled:

Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth we transcend it.

What if, instead of squashing our happiness, an embrace of the difficulty of life is actually a pathway towards it?

Perhaps that's why early church leaders talked so much about joy and experienced happiness on a profound level. Let's take the apostle Paul and the church he planted in Philippi as an example. Philippians is a letter exploding with joy. As biblical scholar Markus Bockmuehl articulates,

St Paul’s letter to to Philippi sparkles with joy - the sort of life-giving, heart-refreshing joy that is tangibly transforming in its effect on the mundane realities of everyday existence. Philippians is, at the same time, an epistle of joy tested and refined

Maybe joy is experienced within this community because they were under no illusions that life was going to be easy. Their faith wasn’t warped by the American dream and the entitlement myth. How could you buy into those ideas with the difficulties of the ancient world, especially for those who were an oppressed minority group under Roman occupation? There is no doubt this church had its shortcomings and struggles. But they weren't the same as ours. We have a lot to learn from them.

Tested Joy in Philippi

Throughout the letter of Philippians we are provided context to realize that neither Paul not the church had things easy. Their joy would have been tested from multiple sides. The church was facing external hostility and persecution because of their faith. Verbal abuse, sporadic violence, social alienation (and the economic challenges that resulted) and egregious rumors would have been their lived experience. Additionally, the fate of their beloved leader was unknown. Paul was sitting in a Roman prison starring death in the face. No one, including Paul himself, was ignorant to the fact he might never make it out.

In chapter 4 we are introduced to yet another dynamics at play that could threaten their joy: internal tension:

Now I appeal to Euodia and Syntyche. Please, because you belong to the Lord, settle your disagreement. And I ask you, my true partner, to help these two women, for they worked hard with me in telling others the Good News. They worked along with Clement and the rest of my co-workers, whose names are written in the Book of Life

We don't know much about Euodia and Syntyche. In fact, all we know about them appears in these two short verses. Their names are greek and they were clearly significant leaders within the church as they are mentioned by Paul by name as being instrumental partners in the gospel. A significant disagreement between them resulted in tension that everyone could feel. Since Paul names this conflict in the letter the word had gotten all the way to him. Presumably everyone in the church know about the tension as it is addressed in the letter.

We don't know what the conflict was actually about. Biblical scholars can only make calculated guesses. I resonate with the hypothesis that their disagreement was over how the church should support Paul's ministry. This hypothesis seems viable as Paul was aware and alluded to the conflict in his letter back the a supporting church.

We must pay careful attention to what Paul says IMMEDIATELY after adressing internal tension:

Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice!

This statement is made all the more amazing and compelling given its context. Herein lies a truth that the American church amidst our divisions must cling to: Interpersonal disagreements will test - but should not kill - our joy.

What could be more timely for the church than this message?. Make no mistake about it, we have our contentious theological, political and ideological differences within our church family. Can those we disagree with still bring us joy? They should! Jesus has still brought us together. Paul concludes this section by mentioning they all are "co-workers" whose "names are written in the book of life". He's pleading for the community to notice common ground. As New Testament scholars Michael Bird and Vijay Gupta reflect on this passage they say,

Sometimes in disagreements it is easy to forget the commonalities, and shared cause, and to exaggerate the differences.

Contending for Joy Through Prayer and Mindfulness

After calling the church to rejoice always Paul continues,

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

Paul realizes that cultivating joy doesn't come naturally. We have to contend for it. We need habits and practices that keep worry at bay and stimulate joy.

Paul urges the, towards prayer. A prayerful life creates entry points for God's peace. When Paul says that the peace of Christ "will guard" their hearts he is using a military image. The greek word used, phrourēsei, is best translated as "will keep guard over". This was easy to picture as Philippi was under control of the Roman Empire. A Roman solider taking watch over an area to keep out what unwelcome intruders was commonplace. In the same way, through prayer we invite God to keep watch over our hearts so that we can experience peace.

Paul juxtaposes prayer with worry. They are like oil and water. It's hard for paralyzing worry to take root in the context of a prayerful life. The temptation to feel anxious may come, but it can't paralyze us. As humans we are prone towards negativity. We can get into emotional ruts where we want to interpret everything through a negative lens. John Gottman calls this Negative Sentiment Overide (NSO) when our relationships are characterized by consistent negative interpretations. Prayer can stop a cycle of negativity and instead bring peace and joy.

One of my favorite definitions for prayer comes from Ronald Rolheiser, a catholic theologian:

Prayer is relaxing in the goodness of God

This relaxation is the case NOT because everything is always going well. It's not a call to paint a silver-lining on everything. We relax in God's presence because we enter a space where we don’t have to perform. By refusing to put on a mask with God we can experience our fear, anxiety and negativity diminish. Doesn't this non-performative vision of prayer make you want to pray to God more?

Paul also identifies mindfulness as a way to contend for joy. He calls us to "fix" our thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. To fix our thoughts means to focus, consider deeply and concentrate. The disciple of the 21st century must immediately ask, does my engagement with Digital technology encourage our discourage thoughts patterns that lead me to what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely and admirable? Anyone seeking to justify their behavior could point to a few redemptive examples. But what's the overall picture? Is there a net loss or a net gain in becoming a person of peace and joy?

It's crazy how our brains work. Repetitive thinking develops a strong neural pathway. I've heard scientists describe the development of neural pathways like different types of roads. When we only think about something occasionally there is a weak neural pathway like an overgrown hiking path. It's there but it's not a very strong connection that's easy to follow. As we rehearse a thought of behavior that overgrown path becomes gravel road. Eventually the gravel road can become a two-lane road and eventually a six lane highway. Neural pathways strengthen and become more defined so it's easier for our brains to travel in that direction. Unfortunately the toxic combination of Digital technology and polarizing times have given many of us six-lane highways towards pessimism, anger, negativity and judgement.

We desperately need to incorporate practices in our lives that break down those negative six-lane highways so they become dirt roads again. And we need to build up six-lane highways that lead us towards what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely and admirable. What can this look like?

• Digital technology detox. When I read "Digital Minimalism" several years ago I was inspired to take a 30 day break from my phone. It's more intense than it sounds. The process is outlined in the book and is a conversation for another time. But we must take seriously regular fasts from technology to rewire our brains and reflect more thoughtfully on how technology is shaping us.

• Thankfulness journal. Full disclosure...I have never done this before! But I've heard it's a great thing to do. Several friends and acquaintances of mine have made a decision to journal daily what they are thankful for as a way to stop negative sentiment override and experience joy again.

• A sacred physical space. What is a physical space that you can go to daily (or weekly) that has a unique ability to bring peace and joy to your soul? Perhaps it's a little nook in your house at a certain time of day. For me it's a particular spot along a creek by my house. The physical spaces that we place ourselves in matter. With some forethought and intentionality we can discover a restful and joyful physical space and make an effort to get there more often.

Transcendent Happiness

Instead of being formed to think of happiness and joy as destinations we must develop a transcendent happiness. To transcend means to go beyond the range or limits of something. We must go beyond the limits of how happiness is constructed in our cultural context and discover a joy that is not tied to circumstances.

A little bit latter in chapter four of Philippians Paul famously states:

For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength

For many American Christians the American dream shapes the exegesis rather than the context of the letter itself. As a mug I once saw puts it, "I can do all things through a verse taken out of context". But what does Paul actually mean here? After all, he pens these words sitting in the roman prison writing to a church in a hostile context. This verse is better understood as:

I can be content (even joyful) in all circumstances through Christ who gives me strength

Saying it in this way changes a lot doesn't it? The scriptures advocate for a joy that transcends circumstances. This is made possible through the grace and presence of Jesus and is one of the great gifts of the gospel.